3/30/14 WEWRIWA

Hi, my friends. Thanks for the perfect critique last week of my WIP. Just what I needed to move along on this end of March. YIKES! Purple crocus abound in the front near the house where it’s warm. So sweet and pretty.

She Never Said Yes continues. Last week, Joy made a plan to ask the most popular boy, a senior in high school, to her club dance. She’s 15, a sophomore. He’s eighteen, a senior. The year is 1948. The Korean War is two years away from drafting young Americans into the conflict.

“Okay,”he said, and just like that I had a date with Danny Wilson for my club’s dinner dance in two weeks. Handing him an invitation with my name, phone number and address, I said, “Pick me up at seven.” Our hands touched just for second; his hazel eyes locked on mine and I had a thought that maybe we were meant to be together. Heart pounding with excitement, I said ‘bye and raced downstairs to the third floor gym just before the bell rang.

My good friend Liz shared a locker with me and as we changed into the ugly green gym suits, she asked why my face was red and how come I almost missed the bell. Jumping up and down I squeezed her hand and shouted, “I have a date for the dance with Danny Wilson.”

Her jaw dropped and she almost shrieked his name but Miss Clemens blew a whistle and calisthenics began so we followed her commands to her commands and I worked off some of the excitement, not all, just a little bit.

If I knew how to do cartwheels I’d be doing them all over the gym but just wait ’til the dance, Danny Wilson, ’cause that’s where this jitterbuggin’ girl could show off her stuff.

for more snippets from talented writers:

http://wewriwa.com

 

Advertisements

45 thoughts on “3/30/14 WEWRIWA

  1. Great excerpt. I can easily picture everything, and yeah, there’s no confusion about the time period.

    You do have a repeated phrase, “her command” in the next to last paragraph. Looking forward to more of this – I don’t usually read things with teenaged main characters, but I’m liking Joy 🙂

  2. Good critique, Marcia. I’ll fix it. I don’t usually write about teens but they grow and life changes into remarkable stories sometimes. In She Didn’t Say No, I did the same thing and the heroine and hero at the end are in their fifties with many twists and surprises.

  3. Enjoyed the excerpt, transported me to the late 1940’s with ease. I hope things go as well for your heroine as she’s anticipating! Terrific snippet as always (love your stories).

  4. Oh, those delicious jitters! This proves it doesn’t matter what era you’re in, that first heady rush of love is timeless. Excellent work!

  5. Great scene that I can totally visualize. Just a thought: I wondered why she didn’t blurt out her news in the first instant that she saw her good friend instead of waiting until Liz asked why she was late. I’d be so excited that I’d say, “You’ll never guess what just happened” and gush with excitement. So I’d rearrange the action in that paragraph. Or is Joy a little shy?

  6. Puts me right into the moment, terrific descriptions – and also communicates the excitement and nervous anticipation. I see the double-command was already mentioned. Fills me with a bit of teen-age angst hoping things will go as she hopes. 😉

  7. As a high school Phys.Ed teacher this made me smile. Thankfully we’re not only about the calisthenics nowadays. 😉 I’ll be jitterbugging right along with her at that dance!

  8. I could feel the excitement bursting within her. Brought back memories when I was young and dating was all so new and exciting. Well done snippet!

  9. This is adorable. Love that moment of excitement when you’ve stepped out of the box and really been brave. wonderful!

  10. I feel like doing cartwheels with her when he said yes! She’s so confident, I love her. However, now I’m worried that he just said yes to get her out of the way and he has no intention of really going… or maybe he’ll forget… or… maybe I’m just being paranoid. Looking forward to next week, Charmaine. Love it!

  11. That’s some fun excitement! I like how thrilled Joy is into rushing to gym class and nearly being late. And that feeling she got when their eyes meet is even deeper. A great snippet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s