Hi, my friends. Thanks for the perfect critique last week of my WIP. Just what I needed to move along on this end of March. YIKES! Purple crocus abound in the front near the house where it’s warm. So sweet and pretty.
She Never Said Yes continues. Last week, Joy made a plan to ask the most popular boy, a senior in high school, to her club dance. She’s 15, a sophomore. He’s eighteen, a senior. The year is 1948. The Korean War is two years away from drafting young Americans into the conflict.
“Okay,”he said, and just like that I had a date with Danny Wilson for my club’s dinner dance in two weeks. Handing him an invitation with my name, phone number and address, I said, “Pick me up at seven.” Our hands touched just for second; his hazel eyes locked on mine and I had a thought that maybe we were meant to be together. Heart pounding with excitement, I said ‘bye and raced downstairs to the third floor gym just before the bell rang.
My good friend Liz shared a locker with me and as we changed into the ugly green gym suits, she asked why my face was red and how come I almost missed the bell. Jumping up and down I squeezed her hand and shouted, “I have a date for the dance with Danny Wilson.”
Her jaw dropped and she almost shrieked his name but Miss Clemens blew a whistle and calisthenics began so we followed her commands to her commands and I worked off some of the excitement, not all, just a little bit.
If I knew how to do cartwheels I’d be doing them all over the gym but just wait ’til the dance, Danny Wilson, ’cause that’s where this jitterbuggin’ girl could show off her stuff.
for more snippets from talented writers:
Author Charmaine Gordon 
You’ve dropped me right into that era. No confusing what time frame I’m in. I can feel her oozing with anticipation. Good job!
Many thanks, Cindy. I do appreciate your comment. Knowing that era so well and living long enough to fictionalize a story is an adventure for me.
Great excerpt. I can easily picture everything, and yeah, there’s no confusion about the time period.
You do have a repeated phrase, “her command” in the next to last paragraph. Looking forward to more of this – I don’t usually read things with teenaged main characters, but I’m liking Joy 🙂
Good critique, Marcia. I’ll fix it. I don’t usually write about teens but they grow and life changes into remarkable stories sometimes. In She Didn’t Say No, I did the same thing and the heroine and hero at the end are in their fifties with many twists and surprises.
Oh, I see what I wrote. Obviously a mistake when I tried to post and hurry back to watch “Dexter.” Husband goes to bed early and I have a date Saturday nights 8p.m. with my favorite serial killer.
Enjoyed the excerpt, transported me to the late 1940’s with ease. I hope things go as well for your heroine as she’s anticipating! Terrific snippet as always (love your stories).
Veronica, thanks. While things go well at first, a journey never goes smoothly. So I keep writing to see what happens next. First things first, a prophet once declared.
Oh, those delicious jitters! This proves it doesn’t matter what era you’re in, that first heady rush of love is timeless. Excellent work!
Hi Maggie. I love that you who writes of young people can appreciate another era.
I could feel the jitters right along with her…so exciting. Love it!
Oh Sarah, thanks so much. It needs work but that’s what wewriwa is all about.
Great scene that I can totally visualize. Just a thought: I wondered why she didn’t blurt out her news in the first instant that she saw her good friend instead of waiting until Liz asked why she was late. I’d be so excited that I’d say, “You’ll never guess what just happened” and gush with excitement. So I’d rearrange the action in that paragraph. Or is Joy a little shy?
Sandra, great suggestion. I’ll work on that write/right away. Thanks a bunch!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Those hideous green gym suits took me right back.
Sue Ann, you and me both. I’d forgotten about them until the moment I wrote about the gym and then calisthenics! I forgot how to spell the word long forgotten in the years of “working out.”
Puts me right into the moment, terrific descriptions – and also communicates the excitement and nervous anticipation. I see the double-command was already mentioned. Fills me with a bit of teen-age angst hoping things will go as she hopes. 😉
With a war in the future , who knows? Except the author. Thanks , dear C.
Fun snippet. I’m still impressed with how bold Joy is and you convey her excitement very well.
Alexiss, how happy I am that you like my baby in progress.
As a high school Phys.Ed teacher this made me smile. Thankfully we’re not only about the calisthenics nowadays. 😉 I’ll be jitterbugging right along with her at that dance!
Cute, Evelyn. You jitterbug, too? What a fun dance with all the gyrations.
Wonderful snippet and such a nice era 🙂
Virgins still roamed the earth. Thanks, Sandra
Nicely written, era captured beautifully, fun eight!
Ah Gemma, we were so innocent back then.
I could feel the excitement bursting within her. Brought back memories when I was young and dating was all so new and exciting. Well done snippet!
Hi Karen, exciting when you’re young but always remember to teach your children well.
This is adorable. Love that moment of excitement when you’ve stepped out of the box and really been brave. wonderful!
Thank you, Ms Fenichel, for the fine comment. She steps out of her comfort zone, gets the guy and thus the story begins.
Too cute. This is a delightful scene to picture in my mind. Easy to do, thanks to your wonderful writing : )
Millie, my friend, it’s a vintage piece that takes us to the current year. An interesting journey for me and with the aid of WEWRIWA, I’ll do it right.
This is just so sweet! And I’m so glad he said yes—I was a tad worried after last week’s snippet. 🙂
One heroine/one hero. Love blossoms at an early age and then come the Korean War. I’m trying something new here so thanks for getting involved.
Oh, you can just feel her excitement. But she seems so innocent too, you can’t help but feel a little worried for her..
Right you are. That comes a bit later. Thanks, Eleri. You’re very perceptive.
Love that last line–she’s looking forward to the dance with some confidence.
Hello back, my friend. 🙂 You have me feeling nostalgic for a time I didn’t even live in. 🙂 And that’s pretty good, I think! Good job, Charmaine.
Caitlin, yes, she’s feeling confident at the moment.
I feel like doing cartwheels with her when he said yes! She’s so confident, I love her. However, now I’m worried that he just said yes to get her out of the way and he has no intention of really going… or maybe he’ll forget… or… maybe I’m just being paranoid. Looking forward to next week, Charmaine. Love it!
Teresa, I’m drawn back to that time as if tumbling into a time warp. And there is my H.S. and friends and best of all, my own true love.
My paranoid darling friend, I love that you’re into the story and concerned for the young heroine. Not to worry just yet.
Totally feel the era and her excitement! Great job 🙂
Karen, I’m so happy you’re into my new story.
That’s some fun excitement! I like how thrilled Joy is into rushing to gym class and nearly being late. And that feeling she got when their eyes meet is even deeper. A great snippet.
August, welcome to my wewriwa space with your nifty comment.