5/18/14 WEWRIWA

TEAM WEWRIWA, I love you. Thanks for saving me last week with helpful comments and understanding.

She Never Said Yes has a few important changes going on thanks to you, so here’s a quick preface before the eight.

Danny listens to fellow cadets opinions on sex, fidelity, and marriage and decides he is way off base thinking his views should change and he and Joy are on the right track. After the phone call that ends with him slamming the phone down saying she should keep the ring, he realizes he’s gone wrong.

excerpt in eight:

Danny stared at the black phone, his lifeline to Joy cut forever thinking, Oh God, what did I do? and called the operator, giving her the number and dropped in a bunch of quarters.
After holding on, he heard, “No one is answering at that number, Sir although I’ve tried several times and let it ring.”
Desperate to reach her as fast as possible, Danny called information for Western Union knowing telegrams got there fast, same day or even overnight.
“Operator, this is an emergency; I’m a pilot in the Air Force stationed in San Antonio, Texas. Can Western Union help me?”
“Your message, please and remember to say Stop after every sentence, the shorter the less expensive.”
He looked at the dwindling stack of coins and began, Please forgive me STOP; Will wait for you. STOP; Love forever Danny STOP

Excited he’d taken action no matter what his pals said and did, Danny rattled off the delivery information, listened to the ping in the coin box and  suddenly the operator came back on the line saying, “Sorry to say there’s a tornado watch and heavy winds across Kansas and all the way through the Midwest have caused lines to go down.”
So that’s why he couldn’t connect with her; the storm in his heart had reached out to the weather God and cursed him just like in the Shakespeare tragedies he’d loved in high school.

for more snippets from talented writers:                                      Charmaine CD -3 sATURATED_pp8x10g- CD


38 thoughts on “5/18/14 WEWRIWA

  1. Well done. This revised piece definitely shows the turmoil of a young man who is torn between his feelings for the girl AND the influences of the time period.

    • Why thank you! I’m making my birthday stretch…it started Friday night and I’m dragging it through today : )

  2. Great job, Charmaine. Really like this whole excerpt! And yeah, the way you bring in the storm is anything but cliche; it totally fits. I feel bad for Danny now, and Joy doesn’t know he’s changed his mind, that’s high tension! (I didn’t sign up this week, I’m just hopping around)

  3. Love the changes!

    Those dang weather gods… interfering at the worst possible moment, as gods tend to do. Now he’s stuck, pretty much–how can he fix it? Seems like it would be difficult, but not absolutely impossible.

  4. Oh no! They’ve fought and now there’s a storm and he hasn’t been able to say sorry… I hate that feeling. Love the way you’ve related his emotional agony with the storm. Great eight!

  5. I loved his take charge action once he made his mind up to change directions. Great storm imagery and I totally saw King Lear in the Shakespeare reference (also Tempest now I think of it). Great snippet!

  6. “The storm in his heart…” Beautiful, reads like poetry. Lots of information, and it makes me hope for both of them that she gets his message before she does something foolish now. 🙂

  7. Great comment, my friend. Smiling here in NY and ready for sleep. Another hectic day with 19 thou word count in She Never Said Yes. I may begin another book next week. Just want to finish and get this to Vanilla Heart Publishing in a week. Talk about conflict. YIKES!! Enough already, I keep saying and can’t stop writing. Love, C

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s