7/6/14 WEWRIWA

God Bless America. When I read the history of how our country came to be, I’m awed by the efforts put forth in creating our United States of America.

Welcome to Sunday at WEWRIWA. Today I continue with the reawakening of Beth Malone. Rising from the ashes of a disastrous marriage, she moves on. Beth reaches out to daughter Susie in today’s eight. Susie is a teacher who lives with her boy friend, Javier. She’s always been daddy’s best girl and just knows that her father is going through a mid-life crisis and will return to Beth before long. Susie is stopping by to have a sandwich and cookies before Parent’s night at her school.

 

excerpt in eight:

Susie kicked off her shoes and headed for the comfortable kitchen sniffing the air.
“Thanks for taking the time to bake my faves, Mom, I really appreciate the effort.” Chomping on a cookie, she said,“Javier thinks you’re very brave and mothers should be revered and taken care of, especially in time of need and that I better clean up my act.” Susie bit into another cookie, swallowed and started in on the toasted ham and Swiss cheese Beth prepared for her.
Beth thought for a moment and said,”That’s lovely of Javier for understanding this has been the worst time of my life and I’m virtually alone in dealing with my loss.”
But Susie, I’ve always loved you and felt left out when you and your father had secret jokes and special times together.”
“Mom,” Susie stood up ready to leave, “Unfortunately, I have to get back to school but you’re right and Javier is right and please don’t take all the blame for what’s happened in the past ’cause I’m old enough to admit I’ve been acting like a brat.”

Hopeful afaf06a-tbc_flat_front_to_work_with_copyter her daughter left, Beth prepared for tonight’s dinner with her only friend so far, the pool guy, Maverick.

for more snippets from talented authors:

http://www.wewriwa.com

 

buy links for To Be Continued:

PRINT – http://www.amazon.com/To-Be-Continued-Charmaine-Gordon/dp/1935407430

Kindle – http://www.amazon.com/To-Be-Continued-ebook/dp/B0030IM65G

AllRomance Ebooks – https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-tobecontinued-395548-149.html

Smashwords for All Ereaders – https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/7283

 

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21 thoughts on “7/6/14 WEWRIWA

  1. Oh yes – Maverick. I remember him. 🙂 Glad that Beth’s daughter has admitted to being a brat. Beth needs all the help she can get. Another good read and a book I want to add to the list.

  2. Glad her daughter said the words…but I hope that her actions follow, because they don’t seem to match up quite yet. And dinner with the pool guy? Oh, my. 😉

  3. Good that Susie could admit that. I hope she turns into somebody Beth can lean on more because she hasn’t quite been that. There is Maverick – and that’s nothing to sneeze at! – but the support of a daughter is special.

    You know, Charmaine, I’m just thinking, I know this is only an excerpt and we don’t get the full scene, but to my ears Beth’s dialog sounds a bit stiff. She’s talking to her daughter, not an interviewer. I kind of think she’d be more casual with her words. She seemed to do that more in previous excerpts. Still, you’ve shown her as very sympathetic and I’m absolutely pulling for her 🙂

    • Thanks and this goes for all the comments. Sometimes you have to follow doctor’s orders and stay in bed after spine treatments this past week. Of course I didn’t , determined to add my eight to the gang. Obviously I didn’t do right for the story but you are all wonderful and the comments have value. I left holes in continuity. Sorry. I promise to be better next week.

  4. I’m glad the daughter is seeing a little of the error of her ways, thanks to the boyfriend (I like him already). And I love how you oh so casually let it be known that Maverick is coming for dinner! Excellent excerpt.

  5. Here words are supportive, but I’m not so sure about her actions.
    btw, the punctuation is off on the two-paragraph quote. There should be no quotation mark at the end of the first paragraph, but one at the beginning of the second. Actually, I don’t think a paragraph break is needed there.

  6. I’m with Marcia, this dialogue sounded a bit off…and the scene seems stunted to me. She kicked off her shoes, munched a couple cookies, started to eat her sandwich, her mom says a few words to her and she’s out the door. So unless you omitted several lines of conversation, this seems unnatural to me. (that’s just my humble opinion).

  7. Hi, Charmaine, I’m new to WeWriWa and am reading your work for the first time. I like the setup for the story (reminds me a little of Elizabeth Berg). I’m glad the daughter acknowledges that it isn’t all her mother’s fault. But to me, based only on this snippet, the daughter comes off sounding more like a spoiled teenager than a young woman who’s a teacher. I also agree with other commenters that “That’s lovely of Javier for understanding this has been the worst time of my life and I’m virtually alone in dealing with my loss” sounds too formal and stiff, but I realize you may be just condensing to fit the eight lines in. Anyway, this sounds like a promising story and I’ll be waiting to read more.

  8. I like the boy friend very much, and I like that the daughter admitted fault, but she certainly rushed out of there which makes me think she her attitude may not entirely match her words.

  9. Susie’s saying a lot of the right things but just from this brief glimpse it feels more like cupboard love 🙂

    BTW, looks like the punctuation went a bit odd in the middle of Beth’s speech – either extra quotes, or (if that is actually a new paragraph) quotes in the wrong place.

  10. I’m with Elaine. I “hear” Susie’s sweet words but “see” her running out the door. Thank God Maverick is coming to dinner. 😀

  11. It appears Beth is going to get more support from the pool guy than her daughter. Like other commentators, I’m glad to see Susie is coming around, but this scene still makes her appear to be pretty insensitive. Nice work. I’m enjoying this story.

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