7/13/14 WEWRIWA

Hi Gang, Welcome to another Funday Sunday where constructive critique is the key to improving your writing.

I continue with To Be Continued and Beth Malone moving along in her life. She’s made plans for a structure to cover her precious pool for year round swimming and Maverick, the pool guy is coming for dinner, a business dinner to finalize papers. Beth’s a terrific cook and hostess. She’s decorated the table and after careful consideration, selected steak for the working man’s meal. This time he enters through the front door bearing wine and smelling good.

excerpt in eight:

It’s just a friendly business dinner, Beth applied a little more mascara;  then why all the fuss? she adjusted the new black Wonderbra; why not?
Maverick arrived at the front door briefcase in one hand, a bottle of wine in the other and to Beth’s eyes, the man cleaned up just fine.
“It’s a lovely evening so we’re dining on the patio,” and she led him through the sliders and out to the patio where citronella candles kept the bugs away and flowers attracted a few Hummingbirds.
He placed a bottle of Merlot on the table just as a butterfly poised on the edge of Beth’s water glass, then fluttered away.
After dinner, they went over every aspect of the project, Beth signed her name to the contract and in two more weeks  she’d be swimming all year. At the door he leaned over to kiss her mouth; Beth felt the pull but turned
her head at the last moment and the kiss landed on her flushed cheek.

When the bolt clicked, his heat remained on her skin as she leaned against the door breathing deeply thinking what if. . .

 

for more snippets from talented authors:                                     af06a-tbc_flat_front_to_work_with_copy

http://www.wewriwa.com

 

buy links for To Be Continued:

PRINT – http://www.amazon.com/To-Be-Continued-Charmaine-Gordon/dp/1935407430

Kindle – http://www.amazon.com/To-Be-Continued-ebook/dp/B0030IM65G

AllRomance Ebooks – https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-tobecontinued-395548-149.html

Smashwords for All Ereaders – https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/7283

 

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34 thoughts on “7/13/14 WEWRIWA

  1. Nice set up for a date, although in honesty, I was distracted by the over use of the semicolon and felt like the first line was choppy with the continual thought breaks surrounding the action. Your description of the patio with the citronella candles was well done. I’d like to see you slow down this scene and add more emotion. He arrived, ate, and left with a quick kiss in between. More is needed. The butterfly is an interesting touch. Is it symbolic of something else?

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2014/07/weekend-writing-warriors-blog-hop-071314.html

  2. Oh those what if moments! I thought it was very realistic that she wouldn’t kiss Maverick on the lips…yet. I hope he’s intrigued….I love this story and have become so engrossed in it. Thank you! Great snippet…

  3. I think she’s being smart.

    She needs to figure herself out first, or she might fall into old patterns—and I doubt those would appeal to Maverick anyway.

    I’m really enjoying this, Charmaine!

  4. Love the wonder bra! I’m kind of glad too that she didn’t fall immediately into his arms. After all, she’s still reeling. If the guy is worth it, he’ll wait (deliciously frustrated).

  5. Oh sweet. I think her response appropriate since this is all new to her. I do hope there will be a second chance. 🙂

  6. ~sigh~ And so it begins… There are men who come into a woman’s life who serve as a match to ignite a flame, then nothing more. And that’s for the best. (Have you ever read any of Gail Sheehy’s books?) A woman in her position needs a man to light the flame, to remind her that she’s attractive and has worth. A man walking out on a woman (her husband) can dash a woman’s confidence down to nothing. I like that you’re writing about this. Good 8, Charmaine. Very atmospheric. 🙂

  7. Interesting snippet! My favorite interaction between characters are the will-they-won’t-they dynamic. Sexual tension is always good in my book 🙂 I loved the last line of “what if.” It teases that she may just give in sooner rather than later. I’m motivated in reading the next section!

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

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