8/3/14 WEWRIWA

August and the weather feels almost like fall so far with relatively cool and cloudy days. But the sun shines upon us at Weekend Writer Warriors as we gear up for another Sunday.

Today I bring to you a WIP, working title Housebroken. No, it’s not about a dog although my husband commented that I’ve housebroken him and he’s right. Sally and Steve Atwood thought when their last child walked out the door and waved goodbye, his bride beside him, life would be a breeze after thirty five years of marriage raising three kids. Life doesn’t always work out that way.

You know I welcome your constructive critique and thanks for your support.

excerpt in eight:

“Alone at last,” Steve hugged his wife, “Let our second honeymoon begin.” To his surprise, when he lifted Sally’s chin for a kiss, he found tears running down her cheeks.

She sniffled, wiped tears on his shirt and pointed to the big quiet rooms in their home; “Once we had sweet babies crawling and later children ‘s toys were. . .”

“underfoot and we never slept because they cried all night and later they wanted the keys to the car and thought they knew more than we did.” He pulled her to him and said, “Sweetheart, you’ve forgotten the effort we’ve put in to raising the kids to be good people and now it’s our turn to be alone.” Let’s have champagne to celebrate; I bought your favorite chocolate covered strawberries so fill the Jacuzzi and we can relax.”

Sally kissed her husband, knew he was right and he’d pushed the right buttons for a decadent afternoon. A  flute of bubbly, dark chocolate covered strawberries and sex–perfect.

for more snippets from talented writers:

http://wewriwa.com

 

As you can see, my publisher has faith in me and has already prepared a cover.

The town is River’s Edge in upstate NY, the same setting for She Didn’t Say No.                                                                    Housebroken CVR front

 

 Are we having fun yet? You bet we are.

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41 thoughts on “8/3/14 WEWRIWA

  1. After our third and last child left for college, there was a definite emptiness and it took several months to adjust to being childless. I’d like to see less dialogue in this scene. I sat on the couch with my arms folded and stared into space. It felt like a rock was on my chest. There wasn’t a lot of chatter or remember when. No one felt like talking. I think the long dialogue brings the scene down because it lightens the heaviness in the room and clogs the emotion. He needs to show his affection for her with actions instead of words. Good first draft, but it still needs some work. Good luck.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/

  2. I bet it’s easier to remember the good times when the difficult ones are past–but it’s also hard to adjust to a new phase of their life. Then again, there will be grandchildren down the road, with babies around–and then return them to their parents so sleeping through the night can still happen!

    • My favorite thing about grand children is waving bye, bye and not having to pay for college. Thanks, Caitlin. As for me, I never suffered from empty nest syndrome. My kids were always hanging around and my first love died suddenly in his early fifties. Thus my survive and thrive theme running through each story no matter what the conflict and guaranteed-let there be conflict.

  3. Lovely descriptions of how hard it is to let go when the moment finally comes, and also the sense of “now it’s our turn”. Of course your publisher has faith in you–you turn out engaging stuff, Charmaine!

    I am wondering, though, about the POV. Now I’ve been writing in close 3rd and am not very good with omniscient, but wanted to mention that the reference to him being surprised by her tears then switching to her thoughts seems, to me, maybe kind of “off”. But if others think it’s appropriate for omni, then never mind me. 😀

    • I try to keep POV on track and smooth but sometimes omni gets in to describe a scene story my pub says okay. As for me, I’m still a primitive learning more each day. Thanks so much for your comment. Owllady- you’re a HOOT!

  4. No surprise on your publisher having faith in you, Charmaine! 🙂 I don’t know what the empty nest syndrome is like but I’m intrigued about what problems will arise now that they’re home alone. The only thing is I agree with Owlladywriter about the change in POV from him to her.

  5. Champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries, and sex sounds like the perfect afternoon to me too! 😀 I love how he finishes her tangent with a dose of reality–all they’ve been through over the years to raise good children. Now is most definitely their time. Great work, Charmaine!

  6. I like the cover! And the excerpt is so true to life, very poignant and sweet. An excellent snippet for us, with so much more to come no doubt. Love your writing, so smooth.

  7. It’s hard to let go when kids leave the nest. I remember my folks missing me when I left and what my brothers and sister said when they left the nest. You captured that moment very well.

  8. aww sweet and a little funny. She’s all sad, he’s ready for some lovin’ in the hot tub. My first one will be leaving for college in a few weeks. People think I’ll be sad, but I have 3 boys left at home so no time to be sad. Although she is my only girl…

  9. Teresa, meanwhile I’ve written and kept going and a little while ago my publisher said, “you’ve finished Housebroken so calm down and take a deep breath.” I did, reread, made a few tweaks and Vanilla Heart went to work putting the book to press. So now it’s no longer a WIP but a finished story. More next week about the town upstate NY , River’s Edge where kindness is the key and they welcome newcomers. Looks like I’ve got a series going on.

  10. I have one out of the house…one in college (so out of the house 3/4 of the year), and and eleven year old. I think it’s sad to see them leave, but I’m so darn proud of ’em, I can’t be that sad. And, I think my hubby will be ready for my undivided attention. I’m thinking it’s gonna be a really cool new phase to life : ) I’m glad he’s able to cheer her up : )

  11. Great description. I liked how the dialogue and body language told the story, showing that the wife was sad but the husband was trying to cheer her up.

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

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