9/21/14 WEWRIWA

Welcome, dear readers, writers and friends to another Sunday with Weekend writer warriors; we who hole up with computers in our snug nest typing away with fictional characters hovering over our shoulders. We laugh and cry and write The End only to begin again. Join the love fest. We’re a community of writers who welcome constructive critique.

Continuing with Housebroken. After Sally and Steve have fallen in love with this unusual town, River’s Edge in upstate NY where the credo is Kindness to Strangers, they’ve found the perfect house. This snippet takes place the next morning. It’s one of those -Just when you thought it was safe to go into the water moments. . .

Sally arrived home after the best workout in months to find Steve’s car in the driveway and stopped, frightened.

Fear flooded through her as she raced in the house calling, “Steve, Steve,” and up the stairs to the bedroom she ran to find him lying there on the bed face ashen, tie askew.

He struggled to sit up; “I got to work to find  a note from Hiro San the top boss left on my desk that said  he wanted to see me early in the day so I hurried over to his closed door.

“Steven San,”my superior  said with a smile, “We must close your division of the company therefore you are now retired.

Hiro San, the snake, I never liked him, pushed a paper across the desk and said, “Sign here, keep pen.”
“What did you do?” Sally’s hands clenched to hold back tears of the indignity he’d suffered after years of service.
“I had no choice; I signed, accepted a folder with pages of information and with much bowing on his part, I left—out of work for the first time in my life.”

Shocked by the sudden turn of events, Sally said, “Steve, we’ll find a way to survive. Let’s look at the damn folder and figure out how we’ll manage before you get a job and I can work. This is no time to move.” Her dreams of River’s Edge faded.

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49 thoughts on “9/21/14 WEWRIWA

  1. This is such a lump in the throat kind of scene, a shocking disappointment which certainly threatens their idyllic future. Great snippet!
    one question, is the horrible ex-boss’ name Hiro San or Hori San (you show it both ways in this snippet)?

  2. Such a true to life snippet. Life is rolling along, things seem under control and good and then WHAM, something like this comes from left field. Glad to hear you and your husband made it thru this kind of incident and out the other side okay (eventually). Can’t wait to see your characters do the same. Great excerpt!

  3. That’s what I like about your stories, Charmaine. They have real life elements that people can relate too. Well done!

    (On a side note, as a Mod, can you try keeping it to 8 sentences? If everyone keeps it short, people have a chance to get through the list. Thanks!)

  4. Aah, I knew something would be too good to be true! Shit happens, and it can have devastating effects 😦 I see this is based on your own experiences, glad you made it through.

  5. well damn!!! That is just horrible, I hate HATE companies that do crap like that. They have zero care or concern about the employees that have given them years of service. Steve and Sally are a strong couple, so I know they will get through this, but still it’s terrible.

  6. It’s a true story? Interesting. I think the part of your snippet that did it for me was the closing sentence, “Her dreams of River’s Edge faded.” This statement makes the snippet ever so relatable. How many times do we enter a situation with high expectations and something happens to take away those high hopes from us. Very well written.

  7. Wow, talk about dreams shattering. Fabulous snippet that has the reader right there in the moment. My only suggestion would be to look at the punctuation while Steve tells her what happened. I wasn’t quite sure when Steve or Hiro San spoke and had to go back a couple of times. But that could just be me:). Well done.

  8. 😦 My heart breaks for them, but I have faith they’ll pull through it. And, as the saying goes, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Great work, Charmaine!

  9. So devastating. I can totally relate to this. My husband had been laid off in such a manner and our whole life changed. He brought in most of the pay, so we did a lot scrambling to make ends meet. Very true to life scene.

  10. Yikes that was a hard way to let someone go. I really enjoyed the drama. At first, I thought he may have had a heart attack. I was holding my breath. I’m motivated to keep reading to see if they’re able to bounce back. The ending of “Her dreams of River Edge faded” was sad. I could picture her holding back tears and frowning.

    Keep smiling,

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