10/26/14 WEWRIWA

Hi and welcome to our Sunday’s at WEWRIWA where talented writers post eight sentences and wait for constructive critique. I look forward to this day and so will you. Don’t be shy. Just jump right in and make friends from all over. If I can do it, so can you.

I continue this week with my WIP. Chelle Cordero suggested Help Wanted as a title. My publisher and I said “Way cool” so that’s the title. We even have a cover to be revealed next week. Moving along, Sally Atwood is about to get an interview with the dog communicator, Grace Trumbull at the Pet Emporium. Grace’s husband Scott leads Sally into a room where the communication has just begun.

excerpt in eight:

Heart hammering with excitement, Sally walked behind Scott to the designated spot and watched, hand held the camcorder trained on a magnificent medium size dog. The sad pooch pressed his nose against the cheek of a lean youthful woman, to let out a low mournful sound.

She stroked his head all the way down the lush furry back several times murmuring in his floppy ear, repeating the process over and over.

Rubbing his nose against her fingers, the saluki gave her a few laps like kisses with his tongue and the silent conversation continued.

Grace nodded, listening and gave her full attention to the sleek graceful unhappy dog.

When he lifted a paw to her face to pat as if saying thanks, Grace embraced the silky haired canine in need of comfort.

Sally, the observer, feltย  tears fall with the beauty of the moment and blotted her eyes with the white sleeve of her new shirt.

Abruptly the atmosphere changed when the Saluki’s owner barged in ending the consultation so Sally turned off the camcorder and hurried to the alcove to wait.

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49 thoughts on “10/26/14 WEWRIWA

  1. Very tender and sweet scene, it says a lot about Grace. Of course now I am worried that the dog’s owner changed the mood so dramatically and quickly. Great snippet.

  2. Cracking up from your first sentence. Hmm. A new twist to the story but then the Saluki has to get a lawyer and there’s a trial. Messy and expensive since the canine doesn’t have a penny. Totally pleased you like this snippet.

  3. I agree with maybe having the owner put down–hey, we’ll all start a collection for the saluki’s legal expenses! Definitely strong emotions here. I feel awful for the poor dog and really want to see what happens next!

    I didn’t sign up this week, trying to catch up ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. You do such a great job making the reader feel like they’re right there in the scene, feeling what your characters feel, experiencing every sensation. Wonderful job, Charmaine! Sorry to hear about your recent health scare. I have friends and family members who’ve had thyroid troubles over the years, and it’s nothing to take lightly. Best wishes to you. *hugs*

  5. You drew me right into the scene. Beautiful moment with grace and the pooch. Now the owner may have to be muzzled. lol

    Love the title! ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Oh dear, sounds like the owner is definitely the problem. Can’t wait to learn more (and see how your fledgling reporter does!). Excellent excerpt. I’m a cat person but I feel for the dog in the snippet!

  7. I suppose it’s too much to ask that the owner will learn much from the dog whisperer—but it sounds like Sally is!

    I’m really enjoying this story, Charmaine. ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. Aww what a sweet moment. Grace seems to have a way with animals, you could tell that instantly based on the descriptions you gave. Sucks the owner burst in ruining the moment. Think we know what the poor dog’s issue is. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    The first sentence to me read awkwardly. Possible rework: Heart hammering with excitement, Sally walked behind Scott to the designated spot and watched. With camcorder in hand, she trained it on a magnificent, medium-sized dog.

    Two other small things, Rubbing his nose against her fingers, the saluki gave her a few laps like kisses with his tongue and the silent conversation continued.–the like kisses part could be removed. I think most readers would understand what the laps with his tongue signifies.

    Sally, the observer, felt tears fall with the beauty of the moment and blotted her eyes with the white sleeve of her new shirt.–the observer isn’t really needed since we know Sally is watching the scene unfold.

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