2/22/15 WEWRIWA

Not one post this week due to a cold thingy. Spring, are you coming soon? And here we are at our fave day, Sunday at Weekend Warrior Writers where we write eight sentences and terrific people with experience jump in to give constructive critique.

Several of the frosty days were spent dancing hot and wild with my grandest who, after watching me, commented, “You’re not bad for an old lady.” Are we having fun or what? You bet we are.

Today I begin a WIP-one without a title and I need HELP! This is another in the River’s Edge Series-Book 4. A fictional year has gone by, James Chandler, the vilified CEO is now back in good graces with River’s Edge and he and Anna Youngblood are a couple. Let’s call them lovers.

Excerpt in eight:

Moonlight shone through shutters in the elegant bedroom waking sleeping James Chandler as he reached for the woman who was supposed to be next to him.

She stood statue still, naked and slim this lovely young woman he’d made love with a short time ago, silky black hair cascaded down her shoulders and back; “Anna, come to me.”
“No, Jimmy. I can’t,” and she pulled on her short skirt, sweater, searched for panties not to be found and cried.

James Chandler, CEO of a huge Construction company stumbled out of bed, caught his foot in the sheets and sprawled forward, head bleeding from hitting the platform on the bed.
“You’re hurt. Stay still while I find a cloth and uh, stuff. “
His hands groped through the thick pile in the carpet, came up with her panties and grinning, he plopped them over his head.

When Anna returned with peroxide, washcloth and Bacitracin, she found her lover slumped over on the wooden platform with her best white silk undies on his head stained with blood.
“Jimmy, speak to me,” no answer so she listened to his heart, breath, pulse and everything she knew before calling 911.

for more snippets from talented writers:   http://www.wewriwa.com


40 thoughts on “2/22/15 WEWRIWA

  1. Sorry about your cold, Charmaine.:-)

    And those grands–aren’t they something? We old ladies can give them something to think about, huh? I smiled at Jean’s comment. 🙂

    Lots going on in this snippet. I wonder why she was crying.

    I dunno about a title. You’re so good at book titles! I think it will just come to you if you relax and let it. 🙂

  2. Help Wanted and Breaking New Ground titles came from WEWRIWA so here I am asking again.

    Solved the cold! Simply Saline-a spray or two in the nose plus hubs got the cool humidifier going in our boudoir and I can breathe and talk-better.

    As for Anna Youngblood’s tears, she has a lot on her plate-to be revealed.

    Thanks, Teresa..

  3. Hey Charmaine 🙂 Glad you’re better, and hope the rest of that cold disappears soon!

    I agree with Tina about “sleeping”. Also — and I know you might have been extra creative to fit the WeWriWa guidelines — but for me, “everything she knew” toward the end is too vague. You’ve got some specific details before that and then we get this phrase that doesn’t tell us anything.

    There’s a lot going on here to get readers interested. I definitely need to be sure I pop back next week!

    Titles, yeah I stink at those 🙂 Either something will occur to you, or somebody better at it than me will come up with something. Can’t wait to find out what you finally use!

  4. I’m not sure if Anna is more concerned about the blood on her best silk panties or his head. Is this an indication that James as a lover is about to be fired? Hmmm….Inquiring minds need to know. (I’m fighting a cold, too. Hope we feel better.)

    • She’s a native American who disappointed her particular tribe. Tears and confessions ahead. This is the real beginning of Chapter one. We are better since we are using above over the counter Simply Saline and cool humidifier to mist the bedroom. Take two and call me in the morning.

  5. WOW, so much in one snippet!!! My hopes are up, they’re down, I’m worried about James, I’m worried about her….my compliments for getting me so thoroughly hooked. I hope you do get a break in the weather and I love to hear about your Grandest! Best wishes, HUG, we know I’m not too good with titles LOL.

  6. I think I have the same cold! Great eight here. I’m curious about how he managed to convince Anna that he was worth a shot. Is that covered in this book or the previous one?

    Guess she won’t be wearing those panties now. *snicker*

  7. Oh my, what a way to end a lovemaking session! Yikes. I can’t help but wonder if the blood on the panties is symbolic in some way.
    And Charmaine, despite your chronological age, you are still one of the youngest ladies I know!
    Great snippet.

  8. If you’re only starting the book, I wouldn’t worry about the title. I often find I have to get into the story before the title comes to me. Some come easily, some take a lot of thinking/brainstorming.

  9. Well, this is going to be fun to explain… not that the paramedics don’t see these kinds of injuries from time to time, I’m sure. It makes me think he got a really unlucky hit, or there’s something wrong with him, that a little bump has such drastic results!

  10. Oh wow, what a way to start the story! It’s great that he still has a sense of humor in spite of the head wound. Or maybe it’s because it’s knocked him silly. If you’ve gotta go, go with panties on your head. 🙂

  11. Nice 8!
    I agree with the suggested corrections previously mentioned. You could just say he was breathing and she found a pulse, then called 911. If his heart is beating, he’ll have a pulse and vice versa.
    Now about the title.
    In this thread of comments, you’ve used the word “reveal” twice.
    How about, “The Revelation of James Chandler?”
    or if you don’t want to use his name, “A Revelation in River’s Edge.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s