7/5/15 WEWRIWA

Hi Gang, thanks for your advice last week. The good news is, I’m two inches better and here we are with snippets galore written by talented writers. Feel free to add your constructive Critique

Continuing with my WIP When Double Becomes Single. Sharon Michaels hopes her husband’s bad cough can be fixed by Mac Bloom, her favorite doctor. He’s in the hospital. She’s just returned home and snuggled in bed with their rescue dogs, Tommy and Gracie. It’s winter in NY.

excerpt:Exhausted after hours visiting with her husband at Community Hospital in Suffern, New York, Sharon stripped and pulled on flannel pajamas. Too tired to shower, she brushed her teeth, washed her face and slipped under the comforter on this chilly night.  She picked up the ringing phone and Mac Bloom, the family doctor said something she couldn’t quite hear.
“Crisis? Is that what you said? What do you mean crisis?

I just left him at the hospital about an hour ago and we kissed and said I love you the way we’ve always done for thirty six years.”
Their doctor for many a long time sighed and she heard urgency and sadness in his voice. “Sharon, is anyone at home with you?
She laughed, felt hysteria rise in her voice. “Of course not since Barry’s in the hospital with a bad cold and cough so Mac, you make it go away, okay?”
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Charmaine Headshot for Author Central

45 thoughts on “7/5/15 WEWRIWA

  1. I’m glad you’re feeling a little better, Charmaine. I’ll be thinking of you and sending good, healthy vibes your way. Seems like your character needs the same. This is such a touching, heartbreaking scene. You convey so much emotion in the dialogue. Make it go away, Mac.

  2. Glad you’re feeling better, Charmaine. Worried about Sharon since I know things are not going to get better; how will she handle that? No family nearby, or friends? I’ll have to keep coming back to find out! And BTW that’s a lovely photo of you!

      • I’ve got a list of physical issues! We keep going, though, like the Energizer Bunny! Love that “bad son, good son and one step at a time” — work that into the book blurb!

  3. Uh, oh. It’s never a good sign when a doctor wants to know if you have someone there with you for support. Now I’m worried about her. Great Eight, Charmain.

  4. Oh no, I fear it’s not going to be a pleasant conversation. Well done in building the tension.

    Charmaine– I hope you continue to feel better. 🙂

  5. I have to admit since I read this scene it is ominous. I think you should continue with this, your writing is wonderful and very emotionally gripping.

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