Hi Gang, thanks for your advice last week. The good news is, I’m two inches better and here we are with snippets galore written by talented writers. Feel free to add your constructive Critique
Continuing with my WIP When Double Becomes Single. Sharon Michaels hopes her husband’s bad cough can be fixed by Mac Bloom, her favorite doctor. He’s in the hospital. She’s just returned home and snuggled in bed with their rescue dogs, Tommy and Gracie. It’s winter in NY.
excerpt:Exhausted after hours visiting with her husband at Community Hospital in Suffern, New York, Sharon stripped and pulled on flannel pajamas. Too tired to shower, she brushed her teeth, washed her face and slipped under the comforter on this chilly night. She picked up the ringing phone and Mac Bloom, the family doctor said something she couldn’t quite hear.
“Crisis? Is that what you said? What do you mean crisis?
I just left him at the hospital about an hour ago and we kissed and said I love you the way we’ve always done for thirty six years.”
Their doctor for many a long time sighed and she heard urgency and sadness in his voice. “Sharon, is anyone at home with you?
She laughed, felt hysteria rise in her voice. “Of course not since Barry’s in the hospital with a bad cold and cough so Mac, you make it go away, okay?”
for more snippets from talented writers:
Author Charmaine Gordon 
I have a feeling this conversation is not going to end happily.
Nicely done Charmaine, thank you for sharing.
There is no good way to break bad news, is there? Thanks for stopping by, Kim.
I’m glad you’re feeling a little better, Charmaine. I’ll be thinking of you and sending good, healthy vibes your way. Seems like your character needs the same. This is such a touching, heartbreaking scene. You convey so much emotion in the dialogue. Make it go away, Mac.
Thanks, my friend. I’m doing well. Sharon is not and worse to come before better.
Uh-oh! Tearing up over here. Nice eight.
True to life since I’ve experienced the same. Tears and laughter. That’s life.
Glad you’re feeling better, Charmaine. Worried about Sharon since I know things are not going to get better; how will she handle that? No family nearby, or friends? I’ll have to keep coming back to find out! And BTW that’s a lovely photo of you!
Bad son, good son and one step at a time. Hubs took the pic on the porch a couple of years ago after rotator cuff surgery. Always something, right?
I’ve got a list of physical issues! We keep going, though, like the Energizer Bunny! Love that “bad son, good son and one step at a time” — work that into the book blurb!
Very realistic response- she wants to pull the covers over her head and make it all go away. Really feeling for her in this snippet.
Alexis, I don’t know if I should continue in this vein of tragedy. Maybe move along in the story. What do you think?
Oh my, you’re increasing the tension. Every word, every gesture and and inflection tells the reader more is coming. Well done!
Thanks, Tina. I don’t want to worry our WEWRIWA folks too much but she’s got to go through bad before she grows into a strong woman.
Uh, oh. It’s never a good sign when a doctor wants to know if you have someone there with you for support. Now I’m worried about her. Great Eight, Charmain.
Still working page by page plus helping daughter to raise my granddaughter and the hubs needs attention. Oh,my!
Oh, no. I know what that means . . .
Another heartwrenching scene, Charmaine!
Sarah, what’s a woman to do.
Oh dear, I have a bad feeling about what the doctor will say next. Very powerful excerpt! Glad to hear you’re feeling better, keep that trend going! Hugs!
I’m scared, too. Thanks, Ms. V
I’m with Veronica. There’s nothing good about this phone call. Tension mounts. Stay on the mend!
Phooey on bad phone calls and bad sons.
Oh no, I fear it’s not going to be a pleasant conversation. Well done in building the tension.
Charmaine– I hope you continue to feel better. 🙂
Karen, nothing good comes in this part of the story and then she survives.
I agree with the others–this phone call is not going to end well.
Ed, you are a sweetheart.
Oh no. That awful call.
Awful is right. Next book is total passion and lots of sex.
My heart is in my throat… Sadness ahead! You’ve set this up so well. I can feel her refusal to believe what she’s hearing! Excellent, Charmaine. 🙂
No way to turn back now, Teresa. Sorry kids.
It sounds like the doctor may not have good news to relay. What a wonderful way to keep the reader on edge 😀
The good doctor with bad news. What can I say and why did I write this?
On the edge, Oh my.
Oh no, poor Sharon. I feel for the doctor too, not being able to make it better this time, it seems.
Oh my. Here comes the bad news. Tune in next week and let’s get it over.
Nicely put, Christina.
Oh, man, this is bad.
Oh yeah.
When they think you need someone, it’s not just bad news… it’s terrible news. 😦
Caitlin, you nailed it.
Oh no, this doesn’t sound good. Love the way you contrasted the phone call with the warm, relaxing moments beforehand, great writing!
Thanks, Gemma. I’m so pleased to read this comment.
Two inches better, well that’s great to hear!!! Thirty six years, that’s a long time for this couple. I hope everything’s okay.
When you’re happily married, it’s never long enough. Thanks, Neva.
I have to admit since I read this scene it is ominous. I think you should continue with this, your writing is wonderful and very emotionally gripping.
Ah Chelle, you do know how to encourage me. I so appreciate your words.