7/26/15 WEWRIWA

We continue with splendid weather up here and hope for the best. Thanks again to my friends at wewriwa for all the good constructive advice last week. I’m almost at the end of my story When Double Becomes Single.

Last week, Sharon is told by the doctor that her husband Barry died of a massive heart attack. Before he can stop her, she runs into the room where just hours before they kissed goodnight.

Excerpt:

One big shove at Room 304 and she flew past the doctor and in where her husband lay still, hazel eyes closed, gone forever from her life.
His checked robe hung in the open closet, slippers tucked below, forlorn and shabby without Barry. His toothbrush showed blue toothpaste she’d seen an hour before. Sharon used the step stool to climb on the bed; she needed to be closer, to touch and caress his face. Already he felt cool to her lips.
“Barry, come back to me,there’s still time to return.” She wrapped her slender arms around his big frame but the longer she held her husband the cooler he felt.

She shivered with grief and spoke to God, “Take me instead, my husband’s the brains of the outfit, he’s the leader and I follow.” Her fists clenched knowing it’s too late, too late.

Sharon was left to wonder how she’d ever survive without him.

for more snippets from talented writers:

http://www.wewriwa.com

Mother and daughter

Mother and daughter

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45 thoughts on “7/26/15 WEWRIWA

  1. I’ve been there, Charmaine, and you captured that awful moment perfectly. There’s something to be said for a writer who’s experienced some of the worst and the best that life has to offer.

    • Have you ever written your story even as fiction? I lost him many years ago suddenly. Eventually I married a good man. We often laugh about growing old together and here we are in our eighties, still youthful. I dance to commercials careful not to break any bones. But the first loss, my dearest love, never leaves. He’s part of me. I’m thinking of you, Christina.

      • I haven’t, but probably just because I don’t write anything in a contemporary setting. Although I’ve noticed myself exploring the theme of loss in my writing more and more lately. I’ve been lucky too, met another wonderful man, we travel the country together and are very happy. You’re a great role model for those of us planning on a long, productive life! 😀

  2. Oh man. I need to remember to bring Kleenex with me next time I visit your blog, Charmaine. You capture the mood of this scene so well. My heart aches for her. Beautifully and powerfully written!

  3. ‘Sharon was left to wonder how she’d ever survive without him’ – a straight forward sentence that conjures up a huge depth of emotion. A very intense piece Charmaine, well done.

  4. Emotional excerpt, Charmaine. I love how you don’t hold anything back. It’s a painful scene that needs strong emotions.

    Buuuut, because I feel I have to mention things that jump out at me, I do wonder why she’s noticing anything besides Barry. I would expect all of her focus to be on him, not looking in the closet. I can picture her flying into the room and climbing onto the edge of the bed, not even remotely aware of anything else. You know what I mean? That’s just my opinion.

  5. Hi Chip, this is a story of survive and thrive. You can go your own way and sometimes you need a new partner. It will never be the same but for me, personally, it worked out just fine. As for Sharon, she has a journey to take. We’ll see. Love to you, my friend.

  6. It doesn’t seem possible that a person can be alive one second and dead the next. It boggles the mind. And you do notice details like slippers and toothbrushes. Nicely done.

  7. I think all those little details are what makes the scene. It’s not the big picture, but the toothbrush that breaks your heart. The slippers- oh, jeez – it’s all the mind can absorb. You capture that perfectly.

  8. Just wanted to cry, too. “…her husband lay still, hazel eyes closed, gone forever from her life.” This line says it all. When my father passed away, I had arrived at the hospital moments after he’d gone, and I thought along the similar lines of what your MS thought. My dad was gone. I would never see his smile, would never get another hug from him… And I’m going to cry just thinking about it.

    Well done and true to life snippet.

  9. I have to say… I found her distraction with minutiae amazingly real. It almost felt that she was looking elsewhere to deny the realism of the body, the fact of the body and being faced with Barry’s absence everywhere she looked.

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