More C.R. Grows Up

Emergency doors opened to the sound of the ambulance. A team of interns hurried out to aid the EMT’s on duty. “Hurry,” Jim O’Connell called. “Ms. Brown is hurt. Get the best doctor in emergency right quick.” The hall buzzed with activity as on call, Dr. Sam Wilson hurried to see what happened. He recognized Jim, everyone’s favorite EMT. “Speak to me, Jim.” Before Jim spoke, Grans, eyes still closed, whimpered obviously in pain. Cassidy Rae jumped in.“She’s my Grandmother. I don’t know you but you better take good care of her and fast.” CassidyRae, face flushed, looked as if she wanted to fight. ”Sir, sorry. She fell, hurt her ankle but I think something bad happened before the fall. Maybe she has a brain thing like Alzheimer’s or something.” She pleaded with herself, searching for a reason. “Maybe she had a stroke. Just save her. Please save my Grans.”

http://www.wewriwa.com/

save my Grans.”

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24 thoughts on “More C.R. Grows Up

  1. Oh man, my heart breaks for her. You really do capture her emotions and the tension in this scene so well. I’m on the edge of my seat. Can’t wait for more!

  2. I had a second of trouble with who was speaking after the line “Speak to me,Jim.” I thought it was the EMT. Once I realized it was CR, the scene move quickly with all the necessary emotion and tension. You might prefaced that shift with “CR cut in before he could respond” or something like that, to keep the reader totally in the moment. A picky suggestion because it made me reread the line but otherwise, awesome scene.

  3. Cassidy Rae’s concern for her grandmother comes through clearly in this snippet. 🙂

  4. All fixed. Hywela, thanks for your comment. I always appreciate the beauty of your writing and remind myself of my earlier work. When I fell two years ago, my brains got rattled and now I’m working my way back.

  5. Falling (like you & Grans) can be very disturbing to the rest of the body. At first, I thought C.R. was over-reacting. But the more I read, I hear her love and worry for her Grans. In stressful situations, people can be so overwrought they say anything. Your writing is so good, I can feel the worry, the tension. Nice job.

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